I've noticed that I am thinking more frequently about the things I used to do. Playing volleyball for example is an activity I miss; and riding my bike around the neighborhood. This reverie is all very nostalgic which is good. Looking through the memories of the days of yore reliving some old adventure or a long lost daily routine can be just the thing to revive a sagging spirit; especially if it involved other people.
A caution though; The sense of loss of people and things that went before can produce an unhealthy sort of nostalgia filled with longings which cannot ever be filled. This wishing that those days were back and would always stay just this way is a dreadful disease of the soul. Living in the past leaves your soul thin, almost transparent, because the context, that entire universe of the past does not exist. You can remember it but don't try and live there. On a side note, the folks who choose Hell will probably have to live in the past, haunted by their memories, since they have no future to speak of!
There is a goodhearted respectable version of the desire for things to stay the way they are. It typically has a beneficent nobility about it born out of the realities of the Kingdom of God and the hope of the new birth. It acknowledges the joys and sorrows of the past and then turns to blissfully contemplate the present and the future. We all have those moments when everything is just right and we think "ahh, if only...". Peter the Apostle did. He had just witnessed the event called the Transfiguration. In his enthusiasm
Peter said to Jesus, "Lord, it is good for us to be here; if You wish, I will make three tabernacles here, one for You, and one for Moses, and one for Elijah." Matthew 17:4
Noble Peter wants his experience to never change and even wants to provide a way for others to share the wonder. Lets build an all year camp and conference ground! Of course Jesus goes back down the mountain. He has people who need Him. Staying at Peter's conference center is not in the plan.
We may wrestle with this "need" for things to stay the same. After all if nothing changes we can have a sense of stability. We know what to do. We are static people. God, on the other hand, seems to be dynamic. He IS still the creator, its His nature to create. Creation is making something new.
Living in the context of God constantly bringing new adventures into my life requires a confidence in the idea that He has plans for me and they are for good, regardless of how odd or unexpected or difficult the new situation might be.
God loves me, for reasons I cannot comprehend. Parkinsons and then cancer have been unexpected new paths in my journey. They are the sort of gift that you open, blink, stare, blink again and then blurt out "thank you ... um ... what is it?" And six months later you wonder how you got along without it. I haven't quite figured out the why for this new path I'm following but I am expecting to see yet more of God's wonderous imagination.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Friday, April 3, 2009
oh no, its one of those parties!
Have you ever been to one of those parties? The kind where you just don't fit. You don't know anyone. You're dressed conspicuously differently than everyone. They all speak a different culture saying things like "bilateral defraculator" or "isn't Vlad so veerrry skaze tonite?"
Why am I going on and on about this topic? Am I just trying to be ultra skaze? This really does tie into my overall theme "So, I only have a short time to live"
It struck me a while back that someone could be whisked off to heaven only to discover that he doesn't really like the place. He arrived at the wrong party and doesn't fit in. Does this idea surprise you?
Life is full of activities or tastes that require intentionality on my part to enjoy. Skiing, for example, is not a built-in skill but once learned and practiced it becomes delightful. Appreciating coffee is like that too.
Consider the blending of multiple activities and acquired tastes into what we will call a lifestyle. Individual activities like schussing down a mountain slope while guzzling a cup of Costa Rica's best coffee are only two of the bundle that makes the "Joe skier" lifestyle. There are many lifestyles, some more beneficial to personal health than others. Some seem to leave no impact at all on society.
There are Kingdom lifestyles in practice today which will be gloriously rampant in Heaven. There are lifestyles from this life which won't exist in the Kingdom of God.
1Corinthians 5 gives a partial list
"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God."
Our hypothetical man never cultivated an appreciation for the attitudes and activities intrinsic to Heaven. He never got the point of being patient, for example, or why it wasn't cool to have hidden agendas with the people around him.
"But", you might counter, "won't we have a really long time to make corrections?" An excellent reply; yes we presumably will. And there are bunches of verses that tell us we will be changed and will be like Christ.
I think the part of the dynamic at work is that in this part of life we have a physical body which has pre-installed genetic responses to many situations we encounter in life. Newborn babies have a whole set of behaviors and responses that automatically start running at birth. The ability or inability of ones body to react properly to alcohol can cause a inebriate lifestyle in one family and teetotalers in another. They are inherited from our parents and grandparents. This, I think, is how the sins of the father can be passed on to successive generations.
Notice an important difference. Some, like the newborn, cannot be changed. I could not, for example, wake up some morning and decide to be blond. Wanting to be a blond for the day won't change my hair. Some cannot be changed but can be accomodated. If I spend too much time in the sun, I turn very red. However, I don't have to soak up all that sunshine. I can choose to avoid it, the essence of Old Testament teaching. If you have this scenario avoid these familiar old responses, you can do it, and try these instead.
Exciting scientific study suggests that much of our genetic wiring can be restructured. Its designed that way. Much of our brains can be rebuilt. We learn, we imagine we literally change our minds.
God says "do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" But, all the time in the universe may not be enough to change certain habits. And here is where it gets interesting...
In this part of life my body works against me so-to-speak when I am faced with a scenario and response. My built-in response might be one warped choice; my soul might be cheering for the Kingdom reply. The Holy Spirit might be urging a Kingdom choice. My will makes the choice. But I will, in the next life, have an "adapted for the Spirit and the Kingdom" new body. My bodies natural responses will now be the Kingdom way. It will work in harmony with my souls Kingdom choices. It will be easy to be patient. It will be difficult to lie. It will on the other hand be really hard to be a drunk. Responding as a whole person at that time will fill me with joy. Trying to revive an old lifestyle will find no support and leave me cold and empty.
If I spend this part of my life tuning my soul to my old bodies patterns, I'll be missing that support in Heaven. It will always be confusing and miserable.
One more thought... There are times in a persons life when certain achievements are optimal. Being a first class international soccer goalie happens between ages 30-40. Learning to speak language comes easiest as an infant. Growing a head only seems to work as a fetus.
Are there lifestyles best learned and cultivated in this portion of life? I suspect so. Is now a good time to align with the Kingdom? I am certain it is.
Why am I going on and on about this topic? Am I just trying to be ultra skaze? This really does tie into my overall theme "So, I only have a short time to live"
It struck me a while back that someone could be whisked off to heaven only to discover that he doesn't really like the place. He arrived at the wrong party and doesn't fit in. Does this idea surprise you?
Life is full of activities or tastes that require intentionality on my part to enjoy. Skiing, for example, is not a built-in skill but once learned and practiced it becomes delightful. Appreciating coffee is like that too.
Consider the blending of multiple activities and acquired tastes into what we will call a lifestyle. Individual activities like schussing down a mountain slope while guzzling a cup of Costa Rica's best coffee are only two of the bundle that makes the "Joe skier" lifestyle. There are many lifestyles, some more beneficial to personal health than others. Some seem to leave no impact at all on society.
There are Kingdom lifestyles in practice today which will be gloriously rampant in Heaven. There are lifestyles from this life which won't exist in the Kingdom of God.
1Corinthians 5 gives a partial list
"Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals,nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God."
Our hypothetical man never cultivated an appreciation for the attitudes and activities intrinsic to Heaven. He never got the point of being patient, for example, or why it wasn't cool to have hidden agendas with the people around him.
"But", you might counter, "won't we have a really long time to make corrections?" An excellent reply; yes we presumably will. And there are bunches of verses that tell us we will be changed and will be like Christ.
I think the part of the dynamic at work is that in this part of life we have a physical body which has pre-installed genetic responses to many situations we encounter in life. Newborn babies have a whole set of behaviors and responses that automatically start running at birth. The ability or inability of ones body to react properly to alcohol can cause a inebriate lifestyle in one family and teetotalers in another. They are inherited from our parents and grandparents. This, I think, is how the sins of the father can be passed on to successive generations.
Notice an important difference. Some, like the newborn, cannot be changed. I could not, for example, wake up some morning and decide to be blond. Wanting to be a blond for the day won't change my hair. Some cannot be changed but can be accomodated. If I spend too much time in the sun, I turn very red. However, I don't have to soak up all that sunshine. I can choose to avoid it, the essence of Old Testament teaching. If you have this scenario avoid these familiar old responses, you can do it, and try these instead.
Exciting scientific study suggests that much of our genetic wiring can be restructured. Its designed that way. Much of our brains can be rebuilt. We learn, we imagine we literally change our minds.
God says "do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" But, all the time in the universe may not be enough to change certain habits. And here is where it gets interesting...
In this part of life my body works against me so-to-speak when I am faced with a scenario and response. My built-in response might be one warped choice; my soul might be cheering for the Kingdom reply. The Holy Spirit might be urging a Kingdom choice. My will makes the choice. But I will, in the next life, have an "adapted for the Spirit and the Kingdom" new body. My bodies natural responses will now be the Kingdom way. It will work in harmony with my souls Kingdom choices. It will be easy to be patient. It will be difficult to lie. It will on the other hand be really hard to be a drunk. Responding as a whole person at that time will fill me with joy. Trying to revive an old lifestyle will find no support and leave me cold and empty.
If I spend this part of my life tuning my soul to my old bodies patterns, I'll be missing that support in Heaven. It will always be confusing and miserable.
One more thought... There are times in a persons life when certain achievements are optimal. Being a first class international soccer goalie happens between ages 30-40. Learning to speak language comes easiest as an infant. Growing a head only seems to work as a fetus.
Are there lifestyles best learned and cultivated in this portion of life? I suspect so. Is now a good time to align with the Kingdom? I am certain it is.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
but why me?
I mentioned in a previous post that learning you have a terminal disease gives you a new perspective on life, the universe and everything. One of the first questions to present itself was "why me?" The why me question is a serious one.
The question is serious because it comes packed with faulty implications and assumptions. The most toxic implication is that somehow God is responsible for bungling my life. He has interfered and made a mess of things. The most deceptive assumption is that my basic rights have been neglected or abused.
Its a natural point of view, for Americans at least, to value the statements in the Declaration of Independence that all mankind has basic rights including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In the last 50 years we have modified our perception of what this to mean a long and healthy life, freedom to do whatever we want, and material success. And we deserve it and are entitled to it.
When things go other than as I expected, a financial difficulty or a serious illness for example I can become disgruntled with God or antagonistic toward those people around me or I can despair. Despair is sort of the quicksand of the soul. Slip into it and you may be caught for months at a time. The third chapter of Lamentations describes someone who sounds like he has been snared by despair.
"I am the man who has seen affliction
Because of the rod of His wrath.
He has driven me and made me walk
In darkness and not in light.
Surely against me He has turned His hand
Repeatedly all the day.
He has caused my flesh and my skin to waste away,
He has broken my bones.
He has besieged and encompassed me with bitterness and hardship.
In dark places He has made me dwell,
Like those who have long been dead.
He has walled me in so that I cannot go out;
He has made my chain heavy.
Even when I cry out and call for help,
He shuts out my prayer."
His perception of things is that everything is hopeless..."Why me?"
Fortunately for him, he rejects the despair option and comes to His senses.
"This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul,
'Therefore I have hope in Him.'
The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the LORD."
When I want to say "Why me?" what I really need to do is recall how God has treated me in the past. (What, you haven't been paying attention to God's goodness?! Its time to start). The odd thing about this approach is that I inevitably find myself thinking along these lines
"Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
That both good and ill go forth?
Why should any living mortal, or any man,
Offer complaint in view of his sins?
Let us examine and probe our ways,
And let us return to the LORD.
We lift up our heart and hands
Toward God in heaven;"
in other words - "Why me? Why not me? After all, what have I done to deserve anything from God?"
And I start to understand what Paul meant when he claimed he had become content with whatever God brought along for the day.
This is the day the Lord has made...and it is full of surprises, new kindness to me...
"The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness."
The question is serious because it comes packed with faulty implications and assumptions. The most toxic implication is that somehow God is responsible for bungling my life. He has interfered and made a mess of things. The most deceptive assumption is that my basic rights have been neglected or abused.
Its a natural point of view, for Americans at least, to value the statements in the Declaration of Independence that all mankind has basic rights including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. In the last 50 years we have modified our perception of what this to mean a long and healthy life, freedom to do whatever we want, and material success. And we deserve it and are entitled to it.
When things go other than as I expected, a financial difficulty or a serious illness for example I can become disgruntled with God or antagonistic toward those people around me or I can despair. Despair is sort of the quicksand of the soul. Slip into it and you may be caught for months at a time. The third chapter of Lamentations describes someone who sounds like he has been snared by despair.
"I am the man who has seen affliction
Because of the rod of His wrath.
He has driven me and made me walk
In darkness and not in light.
Surely against me He has turned His hand
Repeatedly all the day.
He has caused my flesh and my skin to waste away,
He has broken my bones.
He has besieged and encompassed me with bitterness and hardship.
In dark places He has made me dwell,
Like those who have long been dead.
He has walled me in so that I cannot go out;
He has made my chain heavy.
Even when I cry out and call for help,
He shuts out my prayer."
His perception of things is that everything is hopeless..."Why me?"
Fortunately for him, he rejects the despair option and comes to His senses.
"This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
'The LORD is my portion,' says my soul,
'Therefore I have hope in Him.'
The LORD is good to those who wait for Him,
To the person who seeks Him.
It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the LORD."
When I want to say "Why me?" what I really need to do is recall how God has treated me in the past. (What, you haven't been paying attention to God's goodness?! Its time to start). The odd thing about this approach is that I inevitably find myself thinking along these lines
"Is it not from the mouth of the Most High
That both good and ill go forth?
Why should any living mortal, or any man,
Offer complaint in view of his sins?
Let us examine and probe our ways,
And let us return to the LORD.
We lift up our heart and hands
Toward God in heaven;"
in other words - "Why me? Why not me? After all, what have I done to deserve anything from God?"
And I start to understand what Paul meant when he claimed he had become content with whatever God brought along for the day.
This is the day the Lord has made...and it is full of surprises, new kindness to me...
"The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness."
Sunday, March 1, 2009
the calling of Matthew
The Calling of Matthew by Caravaggio is one of my favorite paintings. It captures the very core of Christianity.
The record of the historical event as told by Matthew simply states that Jesus came to Matthew and said "Follow ME!"
Matthew left all that he had and followed Jesus. It would have been a considerable fortune. Matthew collected taxes for Rome and could charge whatever he wanted, with the military backing of Rome.
In the painting Matthew, the fellow at center table pointing to himself, is busy taking the cash of some dejected commoner. He still has the coins in hand.
Jesus invades this event, coming right into Matthews house or office. He hadn't been invited, you can tell from the confused and concerned expression on Matthews face. Notice that Matthew is the only one aware of the drama unfolding between himself and Jesus. And he rightly recognizes that the focus of Jesus attention is only him. This man, the one with the commanding presence, has hunted and found Matthew.
What is this core of Christianity I referred to earlier? Jesus seeks us even if we don't seek Him. It is absolutely critical to have the correct response. Jesus is not negotiating with Matthew. Jesus isn't asking for suggestions on how best Matthew will partner with Him. We have nothing of interest to Jesus except our attention.
The call is "Follow Me". Matthew is not being requested to align his vast wealth with the Jesus cause. He is not needed for his charm or orginational expertice or his infectious bubbly personality. Matthew is not being asked to contribute anything. In the Gospel accounts he leaves it all behind.
It is the same for me as I near the conclusion of this chapter of my life. I are not being asked to join an organization or subscribe to a specific set of beliefs or behaviors. Jesus is not pleading or making offers, He is the King and as such has come to claim what is rightfully His. Simply put, He
commands us to see for ourselves who He is.
This is important, notice in the painting, Jesus calls us into shadows and darkness. He does not promise success or health, friendship or fame. The only certainty in the darkness He calls me into is Himself. He calls me to follow Him because Jesus intends to walk with me. He will be there in the uncertainty asking only that I trust Him and follow.
One last look at the painting. Jesus calls me into the shadows but He has come from the Light behind Him. His kingdom. It is my true home.
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