on the journey

this collection will mostly be the rambling thoughts of someone (me) with a short time to live

what this blog is about

It was raining the day I learned I had cancer. Not a hard, stormy rain but a soft gentle rain, like tears.

Both my wife and I took the news the way we usually do, reflecting not reacting, and the ride home was quiet. We weren't precisely stunned; the outcome only clarified what was obvious. Still, moving from a sunny healthy image of myself to somethings not right inside me to I have a few months to live gives you a different outlook.

The glumness of the rain augmented the glumness of my thoughts. My life ambled past my mind in a random sort of way. It wasn't a collection of events and activities from my life in a time line presentation though. It was a nebulous summary of whether or not I had been wise in the way I had used my time. Not accusing me (I think that God's Spirit was the author of this reflection and He doesn't accuse the beloved) but asking me to consider what I had missed because of what I had chosen.

My wife and family frequently were replaced by things that were nothing but dust. Very entertaining and interesting dust but of no value. The ability to love and enjoy my family and friends, the single most valuable skill I could learn, I apparently didn't really believe to be very essential since my focus was elsewhere so often.

I have since taken feeble steps to correct this particular vice. Better late than never I say. I have a few months to become skilled at the only thing that matters in the next part of my journey.

Oh - about the rain - it didn't take God long to employ His quirky sense of humor to remind me that I actually like rain, always have. It is restful, it cleanses, it nourishes it makes things grow.


So I have cancer eh; time for a fresh look at things; there are most certainly great and wondrous things that God has planned!




Thursday, October 15, 2009

It's really me

As I write this, Halloween is less than two weeks away. I haven't been trick - or - treating in a rather long time but I have many fond memories of the holiday. Most of those memories focus somehow on chocolate. Chocolate and the making of the costume. Remember, this was a long time ago and the art of the Halloween costume was far more sophisticated back then.

You had to make your costume; there were few really cool costumes to be found in stores. Most of what was sold seemed to look like someone was trying to force a 3D kid into a 2D body. The poor kids who had to buy one looked like so many panels from Mickey Mouse or Archie comic strips.

It took weeks of brainstorming and planning just to get to the construction stage. My mother was an absolute genius at the sewing etc which was required. She made a completely brilliant bat costume for me one year set to my exacting specifications. It was so amazing it became my pajamas for several months. And there was the pumpkin costume, bright orange paint on some sort of heavy paper. It was perfect as long as you were standing...the bus ride took its toll on my pumpkin. I had left the schoolbus bench seats out of my plans.

I looked in the mirror a few weeks ago shortly after shaving my mustache and beard off. The last time I had shaved my beard completely was 25+ years ago. Years! I just stared for a while and the fellow in the mirror stared back. He seemed like a nice enough guy but very worn and tired. I smiled. He grimaced. I stared again, taking in the details, they were familiar. The face made no response to my mapping effort. There was no malice though , it seemed a safe face. It was the face of someone at peace, content within himself.

The Bible isn't really very clear about what we will look like and what we will be able to do in the next part of life. When Jesus visits friends and followers after the Resurrection He isn't quite recognizable. He has to do something they had all done together to set a useful context. He ate breakfast. Jesus was very intentional about eating with His followers. It clarified that He wasn't a ghost but He did have a body.

So then will I!

It will be part of the "I go and prepare a place for you" that Jesus promised. I spent weeks and months planning the most excellent Halloween costume just for me. Jesus is doing the same for me right now! No, not a Halloween costume; He's preparing my next body It will exceed my wildest dreams. It will be the perfect fit. It will be home.

Paul calls it a spiritual body as opposes to a natural body. It will look very much like me. By spiritual and natural I take it to mean that the body I have now is best suited for interaction with what we call the physical world. It has limitations and is corrupted.

My next body should be amazing. We see tantalizing glimpses the physics of next life scattered about the scriptures. If I came back wearing my next life body, I would seem like superman.

But the most glorious part will be the fact that I will never want to sin!