solitude

My wife got me an iPod for my birthday! They are wonderful tools; I have a bunch of songs, some books (I've been listening to "The Dark Night of the Soul"), and even movies!

This IPod is perfect for listening to while I wait for the 3 hours of IV chemo drips to finish. I can be mentally and spiritually refreshed while sitting still in a chair; just me and John of the Cross.

There are drawbacks to this quasi solitude. The obvious one is that while I am listening to John of the Cross I am not necessarily interacting with my world. A pair of earphones plugged into overly loud music is an easy way to seclude myself.

Although it would be a fascinating study to examine the impact of iPod isolation on society, that is not what I intend to explore. One of the reasons the isolation phenomena is so widespread is, I think, that it conveniently remedies the unfortunate fear of one of humankind's most valuable activities.

Being truly alone, in solitude is a frightening event for most people. I am not thinking, by the way, of this solitude occurring in the middle of the Gobi desert or the Alaskan interior. I am pondering being alone at home or at the grocery store etc. Its so compellingly dreadful that people will fill up their solitude with noise (enter the iPod) or television or reading or the internet... you get the idea.

The source of this fear of being alone is the expectation of what, or who, might show up to break the solitude. Like a good Hitchcock movie, this unseen but anticipated dread is lurking around every corner. The two most terrifying horrors are oneself and God.

The problem is you don't really know what you might discover about yourself in the harsh light of solitude. Chances are that it does not reconcile with your imagined self. Thus the distractions of noise and activity to scare away the terrors.

These times of solitude are really a normal part of God's structure of the universe so trying to avoid them or mask them out is akin to trying to postpone sunrise. The Mosaic law included a reminder of this regular time of solitude in the Sabbath.

By the way, when I refer to a time of solitude I don't mean a time of reading the scriptures and prayer or even of meditation. Don't get me wrong, those activities are vital to our well being. But they are times we have set aside. All those useful disciplines start with an effort on our part...

I am referring to the quiet times that God himself schedules into our lives. The mystics called it a time of contemplation as opposed to a time of meditation. When we meditate, we use our minds to study and ponder. In contemplation God instructs us. He speaks to our soul to our mind our emotions. He tells us what He wants us to know just at the time we need it. These God initiated times of solitude be they 5 minutes or 5 months are probably the most significant in our lives if we respond to Him with a eager listening soul. It is when we are to "be still and know that I am God".

God knows how greatly we need to shut up, sit down and listen so he sets apart times for that to happen. Times of solitude.

"When you said to me 'Seek my face' my heart said to you 'Your face, oh Lord, I shall seek' " Psalm 27:8

lets make a deal

One of the common ploys we humans try when we relize the end of this life is comming sooner rather than later is to start the process of negotiation. We are apparently chronic wheeler-dealers, and the end of life is not the only occasion we prayerfully bring our bargining skills.

Once during a terminal crisis with my business I was in an extended negotiation with God on how He was supposed to handle the situation. I clearly recall offering a sort of pious package to God. I would be content with whatever circumstances came along (subject to modification at a later date) and God would guarantee food clothing and shelter. I thought I was pretty noble.

Immediately God reminded me of the words of Jesus -

"Do not worry then, saying, `What will we eat?' or `What will we drink?' or `What will we wear for clothing? For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Gospel of Matthew 6:31-34

God was telling me basically - "I already promised you those very things now lets talk about the real issues" He was continuously faithful and generous in resolving the circumstances.

As I write this the anniversary of D day is just over. War is famous as a venue for the "lets make a deal" prayer. The practiced prayers and complete newbies decide that if nothing else will work maybe God might be enticed to come to my aid. Bargaining with God almost seems like an automatic response to adversity.

Its not just adversity that brings out this heavenly haggling; the opportunity for supernaturally sponsored success is a tempting scenario for a mutually convenient covenant. There are many "pious" people from virtually every major (and most minor) religious belief who in essence are counting on the notion that "if I do these things and don't do those things, you God will be obligated to grant me whatever sort of afterlife that will please me".

There are three problems, at the very least, with trying to bargain with God. The first is that God cannot be obligated by a mere human. No one can say to God "You failed". The second is that it is greatly presumptuous to suppose that God would bind Himself to an agreement He did not create. No one can say to God "here's what we're going to do; you might want to take notes". The third is that it is foolish to assume that we have anything of value to offer to God.

Actually I should modify that last thought. We do have a few things to offer to God but they are not things that can be traded away. The truth is that there isn't really anything that is "Ours" to give away. However, I can offer God my attention. God desires to speak with us but we so seldom pay any attention

We can offer God our loyalty. We are either His or we aren't. We can offer God a sense of respect and awe. We can live each day filled with wonder.

If we do we will undertake the exact opposite of "lets make a deal". We will offer God what already belongs to Him and which He has given to us so that we might choose to willingly give back to Him.