dwToday: lets make a deal

what this blog is about

It was raining the day I learned I had cancer. Not a hard, stormy rain but a soft gentle rain, like tears.

Both my wife and I took the news the way we usually do, reflecting not reacting, and the ride home was quiet. We weren't precisely stunned; the outcome only clarified what was obvious. Still, moving from a sunny healthy image of myself to somethings not right inside me to I have a few months to live gives you a different outlook.

The glumness of the rain augmented the glumness of my thoughts. My life ambled past my mind in a random sort of way. It wasn't a collection of events and activities from my life in a time line presentation though. It was a nebulous summary of whether or not I had been wise in the way I had used my time. Not accusing me (I think that God's Spirit was the author of this reflection and He doesn't accuse the beloved) but asking me to consider what I had missed because of what I had chosen.

My wife and family frequently were replaced by things that were nothing but dust. Very entertaining and interesting dust but of no value. The ability to love and enjoy my family and friends, the single most valuable skill I could learn, I apparently didn't really believe to be very essential since my focus was elsewhere so often.

I have since taken feeble steps to correct this particular vice. Better late than never I say. I have a few months to become skilled at the only thing that matters in the next part of my journey.

Oh - about the rain - it didn't take God long to employ His quirky sense of humor to remind me that I actually like rain, always have. It is restful, it cleanses, it nourishes it makes things grow.

So I have cancer eh; time for a fresh look at things; there are most certainly great and wondrous things that God has planned!

Monday, June 8, 2009

lets make a deal

One of the common ploys we humans try when we relize the end of this life is comming sooner rather than later is to start the process of negotiation. We are apparently chronic wheeler-dealers, and the end of life is not the only occasion we prayerfully bring our bargining skills.

Once during a terminal crisis with my business I was in an extended negotiation with God on how He was supposed to handle the situation. I clearly recall offering a sort of pious package to God. I would be content with whatever circumstances came along (subject to modification at a later date) and God would guarantee food clothing and shelter. I thought I was pretty noble.

Immediately God reminded me of the words of Jesus -

"Do not worry then, saying, `What will we eat?' or `What will we drink?' or `What will we wear for clothing? For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Gospel of Matthew 6:31-34

God was telling me basically - "I already promised you those very things now lets talk about the real issues" He was continuously faithful and generous in resolving the circumstances.

As I write this the anniversary of D day is just over. War is famous as a venue for the "lets make a deal" prayer. The practiced prayers and complete newbies decide that if nothing else will work maybe God might be enticed to come to my aid. Bargaining with God almost seems like an automatic response to adversity.

Its not just adversity that brings out this heavenly haggling; the opportunity for supernaturally sponsored success is a tempting scenario for a mutually convenient covenant. There are many "pious" people from virtually every major (and most minor) religious belief who in essence are counting on the notion that "if I do these things and don't do those things, you God will be obligated to grant me whatever sort of afterlife that will please me".

There are three problems, at the very least, with trying to bargain with God. The first is that God cannot be obligated by a mere human. No one can say to God "You failed". The second is that it is greatly presumptuous to suppose that God would bind Himself to an agreement He did not create. No one can say to God "here's what we're going to do; you might want to take notes". The third is that it is foolish to assume that we have anything of value to offer to God.

Actually I should modify that last thought. We do have a few things to offer to God but they are not things that can be traded away. The truth is that there isn't really anything that is "Ours" to give away. However, I can offer God my attention. God desires to speak with us but we so seldom pay any attention

We can offer God our loyalty. We are either His or we aren't. We can offer God a sense of respect and awe. We can live each day filled with wonder.

If we do we will undertake the exact opposite of "lets make a deal". We will offer God what already belongs to Him and which He has given to us so that we might choose to willingly give back to Him.