on the journey

this collection will mostly be the rambling thoughts of someone (me) with a short time to live

what this blog is about

It was raining the day I learned I had cancer. Not a hard, stormy rain but a soft gentle rain, like tears.

Both my wife and I took the news the way we usually do, reflecting not reacting, and the ride home was quiet. We weren't precisely stunned; the outcome only clarified what was obvious. Still, moving from a sunny healthy image of myself to somethings not right inside me to I have a few months to live gives you a different outlook.

The glumness of the rain augmented the glumness of my thoughts. My life ambled past my mind in a random sort of way. It wasn't a collection of events and activities from my life in a time line presentation though. It was a nebulous summary of whether or not I had been wise in the way I had used my time. Not accusing me (I think that God's Spirit was the author of this reflection and He doesn't accuse the beloved) but asking me to consider what I had missed because of what I had chosen.

My wife and family frequently were replaced by things that were nothing but dust. Very entertaining and interesting dust but of no value. The ability to love and enjoy my family and friends, the single most valuable skill I could learn, I apparently didn't really believe to be very essential since my focus was elsewhere so often.

I have since taken feeble steps to correct this particular vice. Better late than never I say. I have a few months to become skilled at the only thing that matters in the next part of my journey.

Oh - about the rain - it didn't take God long to employ His quirky sense of humor to remind me that I actually like rain, always have. It is restful, it cleanses, it nourishes it makes things grow.


So I have cancer eh; time for a fresh look at things; there are most certainly great and wondrous things that God has planned!

Sunday, March 1, 2009

the calling of Matthew



The Calling of Matthew by Caravaggio is one of my favorite paintings. It captures the very core of Christianity.

The record of the historical event as told by Matthew simply states that Jesus came to Matthew and said "Follow ME!"

Matthew left all that he had and followed Jesus. It would have been a considerable fortune. Matthew collected taxes for Rome and could charge whatever he wanted, with the military backing of Rome.

In the painting Matthew, the fellow at center table pointing to himself, is busy taking the cash of some dejected commoner. He still has the coins in hand.

Jesus invades this event, coming right into Matthews house or office. He hadn't been invited, you can tell from the confused and concerned expression on Matthews face. Notice that Matthew is the only one aware of the drama unfolding between himself and Jesus. And he rightly recognizes that the focus of Jesus attention is only him. This man, the one with the commanding presence, has hunted and found Matthew.

What is this core of Christianity I referred to earlier? Jesus seeks us even if we don't seek Him. It is absolutely critical to have the correct response. Jesus is not negotiating with Matthew. Jesus isn't asking for suggestions on how best Matthew will partner with Him. We have nothing of interest to Jesus except our attention.

The call is "Follow Me". Matthew is not being requested to align his vast wealth with the Jesus cause. He is not needed for his charm or orginational expertice or his infectious bubbly personality. Matthew is not being asked to contribute anything. In the Gospel accounts he leaves it all behind.

It is the same for me as I near the conclusion of this chapter of my life. I are not being asked to join an organization or subscribe to a specific set of beliefs or behaviors. Jesus is not pleading or making offers, He is the King and as such has come to claim what is rightfully His. Simply put, He
commands us to see for ourselves who He is.

This is important, notice in the painting, Jesus calls us into shadows and darkness. He does not promise success or health, friendship or fame. The only certainty in the darkness He calls me into is Himself. He calls me to follow Him because Jesus intends to walk with me. He will be there in the uncertainty asking only that I trust Him and follow.

One last look at the painting. Jesus calls me into the shadows but He has come from the Light behind Him. His kingdom. It is my true home.
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